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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23520940">Frayed Spirit</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cornerofmadness/pseuds/Cornerofmadness'>Cornerofmadness</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Boston [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Prodigal Son (TV 2019)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Malcolm Bright Gets a Hug, Malcolm Bright Needs a Hug, post Episode: s01e12 Internal Affairs</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-07</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-08</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-01 14:15:47</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>3</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>11,662</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23520940</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cornerofmadness/pseuds/Cornerofmadness</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Gil knows Malcolm shouldn’t be alone and he has plans.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Boston [4]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1642066</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>21</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>97</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Friends Arrive</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/literati42/gifts">literati42</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p><b>Disclaimer:</b> Not mine, , Chris Fedak and Sam Sklaver owns it</p><p> </p><p><b>Notes:</b> written for literati42 for the very open prompt of everyone being in the story. And they are (well not Martin, sorry Dr. Whitly). Set between <i>Internal Affairs</i> and <i>Wait and Hope</i>.   Also uses the Get Your Words Out prompt of tangy</p><p> The story is open to podcasting/remixing, just ask.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <i> Let there be no purpose in friendship save the deepening of the spirit. - Khalil Gibran </i>
</p><p>Chapter One </p><p>Gil worked the lock to Malcolm’s loft. Behind him the Tarmels and Dani waited. She carted a cardboard file box while Tally made JT schlep a huge cooler full of food for later. </p><p>“You think this will distract him?” Dani hefted the box for emphasis. “He’s supposed to be resting but you said….”</p><p>She let it hang there, her eyes quickly flicking back to Tally. Gil wasn’t sure what JT had told his wife about today and why he felt the need to drag the team out on their day off. Dani had heard the hateful things Malcolm had said to him in the bullpen. Gil knew those words had been out of exhaustion and all the mental anguish Malcolm was in but it had hurt none the less. Dani was protective of him and she had become equally protective of Malcolm, putting her in a bad place. After Malcolm had confessed to him that he <i>wasn’t</i> doing well – something he never did – Gil had taken JT and Dani aside to explain that he was afraid for Malcolm. He had laid down the law with him, no more coming to the station until the cast was off and his mind was clearer.</p><p>Malcolm hadn’t even protested. That frightened Gil more than anything. He knew how much work meant to Malcolm and that, coupled with his admissions he wasn’t all right, meant Gil couldn’t have him alone for long. He hadn’t told Jess yet because he wasn’t sure he should. She never quite knew how to handle Malcolm’s mental stress. She loved him. She wanted to help but even after all these years, didn’t grasp exactly what Malcolm needed. Instead, he enlisted JT and Dani to spend some time with Malcolm to keep him distracted, to let him calm down. Maybe Malcolm could find his way to telling Gil what was wrong. He knew it went beyond the torture Watkins inflicted on him and Gil feared some of what Malcolm had said to Coppenrath was true. </p><p>Dani had eagerly agreed. JT asked if Tally could come and Gil didn’t want to take away from the short amount of time he had to spend with his wife, so he said yes. Tally was a detective’s wife. She wasn’t squeamish that he was aware of and knew that JT did talk to her about some things. He figured an interesting cold case might be exciting for Malcolm without the inherent danger a fresh case might hold. God knew his boy could attract danger as if magnetized.</p><p>He swung the door open and regretted it almost immediately as they filed in. He held up a hand to hush them. Gil scowled. He hadn’t thought that this was going to happen since Malcolm and sleep were barely acquainted it. He turned back to his detectives. “Leave the box by the door, and we should go,” he whispered. “I didn’t expect Malcolm to be taking a nap.” </p><p>Their gazes rose over his shoulder to take in the bedroom area of the loft where Malcolm was nested up in the blankets, one of the restraints he used wrapped around his biceps because of the cast. </p><p>“I’ll text him about the box and to call us when he wakes up,” he added.</p><p>“Think I can leave the cooler too?” JT asked. “Tally has it too full.”</p><p>Gil nodded. “I don’t see why not.”</p><p>“Um, is that normal?” Tally asked, nodding over his shoulder.</p><p>Thinking she might mean the hideous artwork, he turned to check her line of sight only to see Malcolm thrashing hard on the bed, obviously running from something.   The leather straps snapped like whips as he pulled on the restraints. Gil sighed. “Unfortunately, yes. We don’t have to leave. I have to wake him up.” Gil stepped deeper into the loft as Malcolm managed to get to his knees, arms flailing as much as they could as he screamed into the mouth guard. “Bright!” he shouted. “Wake up, kid!”</p><p>Malcolm pitched half out of bed, his one arm at the end of the tether, keeping him from a full face planting on the floor. He swung his other arm and clipped his own chin with the cast, rocking his head back. At that, he slithered onto the floor, one arm jerked up over his head. Gil ran across the loft as Malcolm spat the guard onto the floor, his chest heaving. He made piteous moans that dissolved into retching. Gil undid the D-ring that held the restraint to the strap just as JT ran up and lifted Malcolm up so his face didn’t slam into the floor as his arm was freed. Dani materialized next to him and she undid the other cuff from the restraint strap itself after failing to get hold of the buckles to the cuff.</p><p>Malcolm squirmed, trying to get his feet under him. Gil and JT assisted him and Malcolm fled to the bathroom, leather cuffs still on his arms. Gil trailed him, stopped, frowned and then went to fetch the roll of paper towels and cleaner. He looked at them and shrugged. “I don’t think he made it all the way to the toilet before he vomited,” he said softly.  The bathroom door was still partially opened so Gil surrendered the cleaning supplies.  He fetched a clean shirt out of the closet but Malcolm had shut the bathroom door so he waited at the kitchen island.</p><p>Malcolm finally emerged, shirtless, cuffs still on, and dazed with a bruise forming on the angle of his jaw. Gil tried hard not to stare at the ugly scar on his torso, puckered and red still. The surgeons had enlarged it some from Watkins’s initial stab to give them better access to what was damaged because the bastard had twisted the blade inside Malcolm. Out of the corner of his eye he saw JT’s grim assessment of the same injury and Dani’s stricken expression, which no doubt matched his own. He waved the shirt and Malcolm honed in on that. </p><p>He got the restraint off his casted arm but struggled with trying to get his fingers to work around the cast and get the other buckle undone. Gil did it for him and traded him the shirt as he tossed the cuffs on the counter. Malcolm tugged it on quickly.</p><p>“Gil, why is everyone in my place?” he asked finally.</p><p>“Well, we were bringing you a case,” Gil said sheepishly, “But I probably should have called ahead.”</p><p>“Case?” He narrowed his eyes. “I thought I wasn’t allowed back yet.”</p><p>“Cold case but it’s an interesting one,” Gil said. “I didn’t realize you’d be asleep.”</p><p>“Such as it was.” Malcolm turned to the others. “Sorry you had to see that.”</p><p>“Not the first time for it, bro. It’s not okay that you have to go through this but we don’t blame you,” JT said.</p><p>Malcolm made a sharp head bob but his gaze slipped over to Tally.</p><p>“Don’t look at me,” she said. “I was distracted by that cute little belly of yours when you came back out here.”</p><p>“Tally!” JT’s eyes bulged and Malcolm flushed, ducking his head shyly.</p><p>“What? It’s better than making him feel bad about having a nightmare.” Tally said</p><p>“And she’s not exactly wrong,” Dani muttered, making Malcolm go redder. </p><p>“I’m just  wondering why a married woman is eyeing up little and skinny over there.” JT jerked a thumb at Malcolm.</p><p>“I didn’t realize blindness came with marriage.” Tally shoved her husband playfully. “He might be a little weird but he’s cute and rich.” </p><p>“Sounds like she’s shopping for your replacement, JT.” Dani laughed.</p><p>“I’m probably too weird for you, Tally.” Malcolm managed a faint smile. “You’re better off with JT.”</p><p>“Don’t worry. He’s plenty weird when he wants to be,” she assured him and JT’s jaw dropped.</p><p>“Let me tell you about the case,” Gil said trying to get them back on track. “But first, coffee or tea, Malcolm?”</p><p>“Tea, less acidic. My stomach is being offensive today.” He glanced over at the cooler. “You didn’t bring me body parts, did you?”</p><p>“We’re not your dad,” JT said and Tally slapped him hard this time.  </p><p>“JT, don’t be a dick. Tally brought lunch,” Dani said.</p><p>Malcolm quirked up his eyebrows and started to take his pill bottles off the countertop, his cheeks going pink again. He didn’t want them to see how many he took if Gil had to guess but Dani already knew since she’d been here more than once. Gil put on the kettle and helped him. Malcolm had one bottle clutched in his fist. He caught Gil’s attention and Gil took it from him. He opened it and took out a pill. Malcolm mouthed thank you and fetched himself water to take it. </p><p>“Are you up for lunch?” Dani asked.</p><p>“I’m never really up for food but I appreciate the thought. Don’t let me stop you,” he said, downing his pill.</p><p>Gil took the cuffs off the counter and returned them to Malcolm’s bed. “Why don’t you find out what it is before you say no?”</p><p>“Because like I said, my stomach is being bad.” Malcolm scowled. “That wasn’t the first time I threw up today.”</p><p>“All the more reason to get a little something in you,” Gil argued, but Malcolm only steeled his jaw.</p><p>“I have soup!” Tally said, a little too forcefully cheery. “Dani said you usually eat that at least.”</p><p>Malcolm’s gaze slipped over to Dani. “I do.  What kind?”</p><p>“There’s this great Himalayan place not far from our house,” Tally said. “I got us a bunch of stuff.”</p><p>Malcom’s eyebrows climbed. “I don’t think I’ve ever had that. I’m curious now. Are you all hungry at the moment? Anyone else want tea with me? I could put on coffee too if you want.”</p><p>“I’m good with tea,” Dani said.</p><p>“Me too,” Tally added.</p><p>“Got any soda?” JT asked.</p><p>“Check the fridge,” Malcolm said. “But probably not.”</p><p>JT opened it and scowled. Catching a peek inside, Gil mirrored the expression. “Bro, there’s nothing in here but bottled water, some beer I’ve never heard of and some condiments. I’ve never seen a fridge this empty.”</p><p>“Have the beer. It’s a nice porter,” Malcolm suggested. JT shrugged and helped himself.</p><p>“I thought the nurse was supposed to get you food,” Gil said.</p><p>“I can just use delivery for what I want or wait for food to come to me.” Malcolm gestured to the cooler. “Is Anhui Keemun all right? It’s a nice deep black tea, smoky and rich.”</p><p>“I don’t know it but I’m up for anything,” Tally replied and Dani nodded.</p><p>“I’ll give it a shot.”</p><p>“Good. So, tell me about the Himalayan food.” Malcolm said as Gil shooed him toward the couch. All he needed was for Malcolm to overdo it.</p><p>“Okay so a lot of it is vegetarian. Neither JT or I are vegetarians but I’m trying to eat less meat and that’s how I found this place. The soup is amazing. Kadhi is yummy, onion dumplings in yogurt soup full of ginger and garlic and other spices but it’s not too hot. And I have some dal too so you can see there is plenty of Indian influence on the cuisine. There are veggie momo and chicken ones too. Those are steamed dumplings. There’s a ginger tofu dish and a super spicy chicken one, which is JT’s favorite.”</p><p>“I’ll leave that to him. This is not a day to get daring.” Malcolm grinned as Gil handed him an ice pack and pointed to the knot on Malcolm’s jaw. He dutifully held the pack to his face. “It sounds intriguing. How much do I owe you for the food?”  </p><p>Tally waved him off. “This is my treat for everyone. You owe nothing. Besides, don’t you get tired of being expected to pay for everything because you have money?”</p><p>He pulled the pack away from his jaw. “I do! You have no idea. I don’t mean JT and Dani. They’ve never done that to me and I appreciate that. I’d be happy to treat every so often but with my FBI team, it wasn’t that uncommon for us to be out and they’d get up and leave and say, ‘thanks for picking up the bill, Bright,’ when I hadn’t even offered. Eventually I stopped going out with my coworkers, which in retrospect might have been what they wanted in the first place.” His eyes dimmed. “Not too many people want to hang out with me. It’s amazing how big the shadow of my father’s deeds truly is.”</p><p>Tally cocked her head, staring at him for a moment. “I think that’s their loss. You’re interesting.”</p><p>Malcolm ducked his head, pressing the pack back to his jaw. “I feel confident that’s not how JT described me.”</p><p>“You’d be surprised,” she countered. “He certainly told me about your stunning suits. I think he’s jealous.” She smiled at her husband.</p><p>“Hey!”</p><p>“But he’s also told me you’re smart, and too talkative and a bit…different.”</p><p>“Weird, he said weird,” Malcolm said.  “It’s all right. I know how people see me.”</p><p>“You did turn up to a pool bar dressed for the opera,” JT countered, going to get the cooler. </p><p>“I would always have been different,” Malcolm said after some thought.  “Even without Dad being what he is.”</p><p>“Super smart people usually are.” Tally patted his shoulder. “Where are your dishes?”</p><p>“I’ll get them, Tally,” Gil said, opening a cabinet.</p><p>“When are you going to tell me about this case you brought me?” Malcolm shot Gil a hopeful look.</p><p>“Do you remember the case that happened here while you were at Harvard?” Gil asked, catching JT mouthing Harvard to Dani.  “The one where the killer was using bibliomancy and human sacrifice?”</p><p>A wide grin broke out over Malcolm’s face. “You brought me the case file?”</p><p>“We did,” Dani said.</p><p>“I don’t know what I’m more excited for, the new to me cuisine or the case.” Malcolm bounced on the couch cushion. Gil grinned to see his elevated mood.</p><p>“Something tells me we’re about to find out.” Dani laughed. </p><p>Gil already knew. A case would always trump food for Malcolm. He was glad he decided to do this.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. Lunch Time</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter two</p>
<p>Malcolm let Gil get out the plates and bowls with Dani’s help. Truth be told, his jaw hurt from where he punched himself. His side still was tender as hell and his broken hand throbbed. He’d been disoriented and a little annoyed that he had a nightmare in front of everyone, though it wasn’t exactly the first time if he discounted Tally. He’d been surprised that Gil hadn’t called first but he suspected it was because he didn’t want Malcolm to put him off or make him slip out before they could get there. Gil worried and Malcolm hated that he felt that way. He hadn’t helped matters by lashing out like he had in the precinct. He shouldn’t have blamed Gil, even though what he had said was mostly true but Gil had told him not to go back to his father. He had chosen to ignore that. He shouldn’t have been cruel to Gil.</p>
<p>Startled by the unexpected company or not, Malcolm couldn’t hate that they were there. He felt the love behind their presence; well Gil’s love and the others were friends now, right? This proved it – or at least proved their loyalty to Gil and that was almost as good. He would have to find some way to pay them back. They put up with him. They did everything they could to <i>save</i> him. They didn’t leave him alone in the hospital. Even JT had visited and if there was one person on the team Malcolm didn’t expect friendship from it was him. His idea that he had broken through to him seemed to be correct and that alone could make him smile.</p>
<p>Gil crooked a finger at him and Malcolm dutifully got up and sat at the kitchen island. What he wanted more than weird food was to know about this case they’d brought. He knew about the Bible Prophet as the media had dubbed him, of course but not a lot of the details had ever been released. The case was still open and he couldn’t wait to tear into a cold case like this. He knew why Gil had brought it. One, it was an active case but being cold might mean he’d be in slightly less danger. Of course, he had found danger with Watkins’s cold cases but that had been different. Two, he was still off duty after his outburst in the precinct and the subsequent fitness exam even if it had been a sting. The bosses hadn’t been convinced it was all an act and Malcom didn’t blame them because nothing he had said in that interview had been a lie. He <i>had</i> allowed his brain to be fried and Gil was off the charts furious with him for that, even if he kept it muted as much as he could. Malcolm knew Gil should have kicked his foolish ass for that. His head wasn’t clear and until he confronted his father about what Watkins had told him, it probably wouldn’t be.</p>
<p>“You look like you’re thinking deep,” Tally said, pouring soup into a pot for a quick heating up.</p>
<p>“Tally, don’t start him. You saw what happened last time,” JT warned her. His tone might have been trying for joking but there was concern. Malcolm heard it and he averted his gaze, embarrassed about how he hadn’t been able to turn it off in front of Eve, or worse, how he had been so blind to Dani’s distress when he had done the same to her.</p>
<p>“How much of the kadhi do you want?” Tally asked.</p>
<p>“I’ll get Malcolm’s plate,” Gil said. “I’m familiar with how he eats.”  </p>
<p>“I’ll get the tea, then,” Dani said as the kettle began to blow. She picked up the strainer Gil had already packed with the Keenum and put it in the pot. </p>
<p>“Time it for five minutes or it’ll get bitter,” Malcolm said.</p>
<p>“Will do.”</p>
<p>“Are we talking work while we eat or are we giving Tally a break?” Malcolm asked as Gil set a bowl in front of him. It was relatively full of the yellow-white soup upon which a fried onion pakora floated.</p>
<p>“Food first,” Gil replied and added a small plate next to the bowl. On it was a pile of saucy lentils, scented with spice and a piece of roti rested next to it. Two twisted dumplings and something smelling of ginger were also there, but just a little bit of the latter.</p>
<p>“Okay those are the momos.” Tally pointed to the dumplings. “The gingered tofu and dal. Did I forget to mention that?”</p>
<p>Malcolm nodded. “That’s fine. I like dal actually. I appreciate this, all of you. I know why you’re here and it means a lot.” </p>
<p>“You’re not going to get sappy are you?” JT wrinkled his brow.</p>
<p>“No, but I know you’re all here because you’re worried about me and you’re doing a good thing so I want to thank you.” Malcolm stared down at the table. </p>
<p>“Bro, you went through some shit and as Gil said on day one, you’re one of us,” JT said, going to load up his own plate. “We’re going to do what we’d do for any of us, be there for you.”</p>
<p>Malcolm sucked in a deep breath, pushing the bowl away from him. He wasn’t going to be able to swallow anything past the tightness of his throat. “Not every team would,” he managed.</p>
<p>“Yeah, we met your former team.” Dani sat next to him. “They were pretty awful, and they sure as hell hated you.”</p>
<p>He snorted. “I know. If I tried too hard with you and JT, and I know I have. I know I’ve irritated you both and that you didn’t really want me around, but if I tried too hard it’s because of how the FBI treated me. And they’re just the latest link in a long chain.”</p>
<p>“You’re right,” JT said and Tally cast a sharp look his way. “I told Gil expecting us to take you on was a bridge too far.”</p>
<p>“After I outed myself as the Surgeon’s son in front of Dani,” Malcolm whispered, pushing his bowl even further away.</p>
<p>“Yes,” she said, pushing his bowl back.</p>
<p>“And you <i>did</i> chop a dude’s hand off.”</p>
<p>“Not to mention put a needle of poison into your own wrist,” Dani added. “But Gil explained what you had done to save him.”</p>
<p>“How you saved him so we reluctantly agreed to go along with what he asked and that’s been a while now. You’ve proven Gil right. Yeah you’re a little annoying, Bright, and you’re crazy as they come but you’re good at what you do and you’ve been good to me and Dani so why wouldn’t we return the favor?”</p>
<p>Malcolm couldn’t quite look at JT. “I’m glad that at least you were willing to believe in Gil.”</p>
<p>“You owe him for that one,” JT said as the timer beeped.</p>
<p>“I know.”</p>
<p>“Do you?” Dani popped off the stool to go pull the tea leaves out of the pot.</p>
<p>Malcolm spotted the hard look Gil shot her.  He held out a hand to him. “I’ve apologized to Gil for my outburst privately but I insulted him publicly. I should have apologized the same way.”</p>
<p>Gil dropped his hand to the back of Malcolm’s neck, rubbing it lightly. “It’s okay, kid. I don’t want  you more upset than you already are. Come on eat a little.”</p>
<p>Malcolm shook his head. </p>
<p>“Are you okay?”  Dani brought the tea pot to the table. </p>
<p>“Honestly I am not. I’m not okay,” he whispered and she froze. Her gaze slipped over to JT who looked thunderstruck. </p>
<p>“You always tell us you’re amazing,” she said.</p>
<p>“Me too,” Gil said. “So, when he told me that after we put Dr. Coppenrath away, I became concerned, not to mention everything with the whole ECT nonsense.”</p>
<p>“So, I’m on the sidelines.” He pressed his palm against the counter top, not looking at them.</p>
<p>“And you need to be,” Gil replied forcefully. “You need time to heal but I know you’ll find trouble of your own if you don’t have distractions so here we are with something that might keep you busy.”</p>
<p>“And from doing something stupid,” Malcolm finished for him, knowing that was hiding in Gil’s words. He meant it to sound joking but he failed. He was frightened that he put it out there to everyone just how bad his mind was right now. He’d felt a smidgeon better after he had confessed to Gil a few days ago but he had a long way to go. He hadn’t told Gil all he needed to know and he wasn’t ready to do that now either. He would tell them all eventually but his heart hurt too much for that today or at least he didn’t want to say it in front of the group.</p>
<p>“That too.” Gil pushed the bowl back to him. “Please eat, kid.”</p>
<p>Dani set his tea down next to him. “I put in some sugar and honey. I figured you liked it sweet.”</p>
<p>He nodded. “Thank you.”</p>
<p>“You know you can call us if you need to,” Tally said, taking him by surprised. When he glanced her way, she shrugged. “I’m used to late night calls from soldiers with PTSD. It’s okay for you to reach out too.”</p>
<p>“Thank you,” he said barely above a whisper or maybe he merely mouthed it as his throat tightened again and his eyes stung. He dropped his gaze to the soup and spooned up a mouthful. The fragrant sweet and sour soup warmed him with spices. He took another taste. “This is very good, Tally. Thank you for bringing it,” he said, his voice less shaky. </p>
<p>“I’m so glad you liked it. Try that momo before it cools off too much,” she insisted.</p>
<p>“Okay,” He sliced into one with a fork. JT rolled his eyes and picked up one of his own and took a big bite out of it. Malcolm was content to eat his sliver of steamed dough and hot veggies.  He’d had things like this before. “It’s like siomai.”</p>
<p>“Siomai?” Tally asked.</p>
<p>“Filipino dumplings,” Gil said. “I make them for him sometimes.”</p>
<p>“Gil’s a very good cook if you haven’t had the opportunity to sit down to dinner with him. Generally wasted on me,” Malcolm admitted, picking up his ruptured momo and finishing it off.</p>
<p>“Truth.” Gil snorted. “I generally make things I know you’ll eat. Heaven help you if you try to get between him and halo-halo.”</p>
<p>“I’ve seen how he likes sweet things,” Dani said, obviously familiar with the dessert.</p>
<p>“You can bribe him with candy,” Gil said and Malcolm glared. Ignoring him, Gil pointed to his plate.  “Try the tofu stuff there.”</p>
<p>Malcolm complied and scooped up some dal with his roti. </p>
<p>JT put a spoonful of the chicken on Malcolm’s plate. “Try a taste. It’s tangy.”</p>
<p>“Tally said it’s super spicy.” Malcolm narrowed his eyes.</p>
<p>JT waved him off. “She has a tender mouth.”</p>
<p>“Don’t do it.” Tally shook her head.</p>
<p>Malcolm tore off a small piece of his roti and dabbed it in the chicken’s sauce. He put a tiny piece of it in his mouth, setting it instantly on fire. He swigged his tea trying to put out the flames. “What is wrong with you, JT? That is not tangy.”</p>
<p>“Warned you.” Tally laughed.</p>
<p>“It’s delicious. Gil likes it.” JT pointed with his fork to Gil who was indeed eating the devil’s chicken.</p>
<p>“I already know something’s wrong with him,” Malcolm replied and Gil wrinkled his nose at him. </p>
<p>“You need to get more adventuresome,” JT said.</p>
<p>“I’m plenty adventurous.” </p>
<p>JT snorted at that and Malcolm made no more attempts to eat the chicken. They all settled into companionable silence as they ate. To his surprise, he managed to clean his plate and consider a second helping of the soup but decided not to push his luck. He tried to help himself to more tea, failed to maneuver it correctly so Dani took over for him. He settled back on the couch.</p>
<p>“So, why did you pick this particular case for me, Gil?” Malcolm tried to stifle a yawn. His full belly whispered sleep to him and he knew his friends might actually insist he give it another go. After weeks in the hospital and being off work, his sleep schedule was even more screwed up than usual because he’d been catnapping. </p>
<p>“It’s an open case for one,” Gil said, pulling a chair over. “And I know it’s one you’ve talked about.”</p>
<p>Malcolm nodded. He and his father had discussed it. Gil knew about those conversations. He wasn’t sure if Gil had been honest about them with the others and Malcolm didn’t feel like telling anyone at this point. “It’s hard to not be intrigued by someone using Bible passages to decide who to kill, when and why.”</p>
<p>“Didn’t he leave the page at the scene?” JT asked, staying at the kitchen island with Tally.  Dani joined Malcolm on the couch with her tea. “I’ve only heard about this one second hand.”</p>
<p>“You would have been overseas when this was going on,” Gil replied. “And Dani would have been in uniform still.”</p>
<p>“How do you use a Bible to decide how to kill anyone?” Tally asked.</p>
<p>“In Bibliomancy, you open the Bible and pick a passage and relate it to your life,” Malcolm said, gesturing to the bookcase by his weapon cases. “There’s a Bible on one of the shelves with the other various religious texts. You can try it if you want.”</p>
<p>“That is a lot of weapons, bro. I’m a little jealous.” JT stood and strolled over to the case. </p>
<p>“You can take them out if you want. The key is actually in the linen closet,” Malcolm said.</p>
<p>“That’s a strange place to keep it,” Tally said.</p>
<p>“You saw me acting out, right? I don’t want to make it too easy for me to get the  key to the weapons.” Malcolm sighed softly and Dani put a hand on his arm. “Just be careful if you do take them out. Some are very old.”</p>
<p>“Not to mention ridiculously expensive,” Gil said with a hint of an eye roll but Malcolm knew Gil had never approved of his weapon fascination. Maybe he had a point.</p>
<p>“That too. Anyhow, Tally, whoever this is, is both religious and superstitious.”</p>
<p>“Not to mention bat crap crazy,” JT muttered and Malcolm shot him a look.</p>
<p>“One of the passages, if I remember it, was from the book of Isiah.” Malcolm reached for the file. Dani helped him with them, taking them out of the box. She handed him the murder book. He rifled through as if he could somehow find what he wanted instantly. “I think it goes something like the Lord’s voice was heard and in his anger he threw lightening and devouring fire. Okay I don’t remember the exact passage, but you get the idea. Anyhow our suspect took that to mean to …well, set someone on fire,” he finished with a little less enthusiasm. It was different talking to Tally than to the others.</p>
<p>“That is…” She made a face. “It’s messed up.”</p>
<p>“That’s what makes it fascinating but yes, it is.” Malcolm dropped the file, grimaced, left it in his lap and grabbed his tea. “I’ll need to look through all of this and I am excited to do it. How do we want to begin?”</p>
<p>“Chronologically would make sense,” Dani said as a noise in the hall outside sounded.</p>
<p>Malcolm exchanged looks with Gil. He knew that sound too, the click of high heels on steps. He wondered if his mother could walk without heels, granted he didn’t know how anyone actually walked in them. Unsurprisingly she didn’t knock. He’d given up on keeping keys from her and maybe it was a good thing she had them. His mother let herself in and to his surprise, Ainsley was with her. Ainsley carried a canvas bag.</p>
<p>“Hi brother, we brought…oh, you have company. Hello.” Ainsley beamed at them. </p>
<p>“Ains, Mother, this is Tally Tarmel, JT’s wife,” Malcolm waved his casted hand toward her. “They brought me lunch and a puzzle.”</p>
<p>His mother narrowed her eyes at Gil. “Is that a case, Gil?”  She could have chilled her vodka with her tone.</p>
<p>“It’s a <i>cold</i> case,” he said. “Years cold. You know how Malcolm is when he’s bored. I thought this would give his brain something to noodle around with.”</p>
<p>His mother sighed. “I do know he can get…antsy.”</p>
<p>“If you’d like some of the lunch, you’re both welcome to it. I put it up in the fridge so he could have some later,” Tally said, standing up. She extended a hand. “It’s nice to meet you, Mrs. Whitly. You too, Ainsley.”</p>
<p>His mother shook it. “I appreciate you thinking of Malcolm. I am <i>so</i> glad he has such wonderful, caring friends now. It’s nice to meet you as well.”</p>
<p>“We never get to meet his friends, Gil aside but he’s pretty much family at this point,” Ainsley said hefting her bag. “And I won’t be here long. I have to get to work. I just wanted to see how Malcolm was since it’s his nurse’s day off.”</p>
<p>“We should have expected Gil to check on him.” His mother patted Gil on the shoulder. “And I’ve had lunch but thank you.”</p>
<p>“It was Tibetan food, which was very interesting,” Malcolm said.</p>
<p>“Did you actually eat it or did you just sniff it and call yourself full?” she asked, and Dani laughed.</p>
<p>He narrowed his eyes at them both. “I ate a little of everything but JT’s spicy chicken because I was quite certain I couldn’t handle it. It was all tasty, something I wouldn’t mind having again.”</p>
<p>“Great, Tally’s going to make me schlep this stuff once a month,” JT grumbled.</p>
<p>“I was thinking every other week.” She smiled sweetly.</p>
<p>“I hate to dump this and run.”  Ainsley waggled the bag.</p>
<p>“What is that?” Malcolm asked.</p>
<p>“Just some stuff I found put away. A few of your things from college and a photo album,” his mother said, and Ainsley pulled out the album.</p>
<p>JT’s eyes all but glowed as he bounced over and took it from Ainsley who shot him a conspiratorially grin. </p>
<p>“Ains,” Malcolm whined but he knew it was pointless. He just hoped that wasn’t the one from college that had the blackmail-worthy pictures.  Some of that was still on film but luckily the rest had been digital and he had those on several hard drives just to be safe. He never had many friends but those he did, he wanted to keep memories of. </p>
<p>“Oh relax. What’s the worst that could happen?” Ainsley dropped the bag with the rest of his belongings into his lap. She hugged him over the back of the couch. “Okay, I have to run. You look good today, brother.”</p>
<p>“I’m excited to dig into what Gil’s brought me,” he replied honestly. Ainsley rolled her eyes and let herself out. “That is what we’re doing now, Mother. If that’s not something you’d like to sit in on….”</p>
<p>“You’re not running me off that quickly,” she replied. “Is that one of your full caffeine teas?”</p>
<p>“It is but I had a nap earlier. No need to slip me a chamomile-valium cuppa,” he assured her, and Dani’s eyebrows shot up.</p>
<p>“Besides, we have a photo album to look through.” JT patted the book.</p>
<p>“Behave yourself, JT.” Tally beckoned him to her side. </p>
<p>“You can’t deny me this. You don’t have to deal with, no offense, Mrs. Whitly, with the crazy dude.”</p>
<p>“You might owe me your actual name if you open that,” Malcolm teased right back.</p>
<p>“No deal but if you really don’t want us looking.” JT held out the book.</p>
<p>Malcolm shrugged. “Go ahead. I don’t mind that much. Which album is that, Mother? One from when we were little?”</p>
<p>“No. I’m keeping those pictures, well the ones that are left,” she replied. </p>
<p>He wished she hadn’t destroyed all the pictures of him and his father other than the few he had rescued. Malcolm hated that he wanted pictures of that man but the emotions wrapped around Martin Whitly were so big, so complicated and insanely painful. </p>
<p>“Those are mostly  of the trip to Block Island and then that trip you took with the Arroyos to Arcadia among others,” his mother replied.</p>
<p>“Arcadia? I’d like to see those myself,” Gil said, holding out his hand. JT gave him the album</p>
<p>“Isn’t that a State park in Maine?” Dani asked.</p>
<p>Gil nodded. “For all that Jackie was a Bronx girl, she loved getting out to where it was green and pretty.”</p>
<p>“Maybe it was <i>because</i> she was a Bronx girl,” Dani replied, as Malcolm’s mother went and found his whiskey stash, pouring herself some fine scotch. “I think I might like to try that someday.”</p>
<p>“I’d love to say I’d be happy to take you on a trip like that,” Malcolm said, ducking his head as she looked at him. “But it might be awkward and I didn’t mean that like a date thing…Besides I’m not even sure I can go back in the woods at this point and I…” he trailed off, remembering what Watkins had said about the last trip to the woods. They were going to kill him. Damn, why did he think of the woods? No, he couldn’t not think of it. He couldn’t escape it. His father had tried to murder him in the woods. What would he have told Malcolm’s mother? <i>An accident of course, you were going to have an accident. Your father would have been so very sad on the surface and under it, he’d have been so relieved</i>. Malcolm’s vision dimmed down to that night, the quick stab of the knife but wasn’t there a stab before that? One with his father’s hands wrapped around his own?</p>
<p>“Kid?” Gil’s voice washed over him, not penetrating at all. Neither did his mother’s plaintive “Malcolm?”</p>
<p>“Look at him,” JT said. “He’s full-on triggered. I’ve seen it at Wounded Warrior meetings.”</p>
<p>Malcolm jumped as someone touched him. He stared at Dani, for a moment not even registering her.  His chest heaved and for a moment he thought he might be sick. She put her hand on his. Malcolm twisted his hand over and took her hand in his.</p>
<p>“Are you okay?” she asked.</p>
<p>Everyone was looking at him. He couldn’t bare it. His skin felt too tight. Malcolm nodded slowly, not trusting his voice.</p>
<p>“Oh, Malcolm.” His mother rested a hand on his shoulder, giving it a light squeeze. “Is it what that monster did to you? Can we do anything to help?”</p>
<p>He nodded again. “I’m…not okay but better than a minute ago. You’re all already doing what I need.” He flicked his tongue over his lips. He shouldn’t ask what he was about to. His mother would be hurt and he knew it but he needed it. “Can you find me a picture of all of us? One with Jackie.” He pointed to the album.</p>
<p>“Of course,” Gil said a little too quickly. He was rattled. </p>
<p>How bad had he looked? Malcolm glanced around. Tally seemed withdrawn. His mother and Dani both were pale and JT watched him close, hovering close to his wife. It had been <i>bad</i>. He should take one of his benzos but he didn’t want to in front of everyone. He hated that it was even something he worried about.</p>
<p>“Is there more tea in the pot, mother?” he asked, trying to sound calmer.</p>
<p>“Do you think you need more?” she asked. “Maybe…”</p>
<p>“No whiskey, not now,” he said, knowing her  thoughts about pills and booze. </p>
<p>“I was going to say maybe you should turn on a little music to help you relax.” She sighed. “You’ve always liked music.”</p>
<p>“You had jazz,” Dani said. “You put it on that one time I stayed here. I like jazz.”</p>
<p>“You can put some on.” He nodded to the sound system.</p>
<p>“You stayed the night?” Tally asked, surprised. So maybe JT didn’t tell her everything or maybe Dani hadn’t told JT. Malcolm wondered on that. He knew she told JT about knocking him out because JT had teased him about it.</p>
<p>“He followed me to a club,” Dani said, unfolding from the couch and letting go of his hand. “And a box of drugs exploded on him. Gil told me to take care of him. I hadn’t planned on falling asleep on the kitchen counter but….” She shrugged as she pulled some of his vinyls out of the compartment next to his record player. “You have actual vinyl. Are some of these original? And also…how do you work this thing? I’ve never seen a record player.”</p>
<p>“I’ll help you while Gil finds those pictures. The ones of us all on the island are in the front,” his mother said, moving to teach Dani how record players worked.</p>
<p>Malcolm wanted to take that album and flip through it, to tune them all out because he felt too fragile at the moment. Instead he watched Tally go into the kitchen with his cup and fetched him more tea. The gesture nearly evoked tears. Instead, he whispered a thank you as Gil leafed through the album to find him a distraction.</p>
<p>Gil paused on a page and set the album on the coffee table. “There, JT, nothing too embarrassing.” </p>
<p>Malcolm knew those two pages of pictures fairly well. He resisted the urge to grab his album so he could study them in detail, getting lost in …well not better times, but maybe simpler. He missed Jackie so much and everything around her death had been so hard, including his mother’s reaction to it. Gil had obviously forgiven her and he had to be happy about that. He watched JT pull the album closer as Coltrane softly began to fill the loft.</p>
<p>“Nice place. What is Block Island?” JT crooked a finger at Dani, bringing her over.</p>
<p>“It’s a history rich island off the coast of Rhode Island,” Malcolm pointed at a large structure. “That’s Mother’s favorite hotel there, the National.”</p>
<p>“I’d invited Gil and Jackie along that year for all they had done for Malcolm that first year after…well you know.” His mother wrinkled her nose and polished off her scotch. She glanced toward the kitchen and Malcolm wished she wouldn’t refill it but this was not the time for that talk.</p>
<p>JT tapped the picture. “After seeing this everything makes so much more sense.”</p>
<p>“How so?” Malcolm asked.</p>
<p>“We’ve always wondered just what was between you and Gil,” he replied.</p>
<p>“He told us after that first case that you saved his life that night,” Dani said. </p>
<p>“That’s what you needed to hear then,” Gil said. “I wanted you both to not be overly influenced by my opinions on Malcolm.”</p>
<p>JT grimaced. “You told me I wouldn’t like him.”</p>
<p>“True. I, at least, was told he was an acquired taste.” The skin around Dani’s eyes crinkled in that mischievous way she had and Malcolm had come to truly like. </p>
<p>“He probably figured you’d be more likely to like me than JT who is very by the book and I am…off script,” Malcolm said. “And he wasn’t wrong about that, though I’m pretty sure I did hear JT say I was a friend on Coppenrath’s interviews of you all.”</p>
<p>“You listened to that?” His mother asked, wide eyed.</p>
<p>“Yes, I heard you telling them I was crazy and to fire me.” He snorted. “Thanks, by the way, Mother.”</p>
<p>“Your job is morbid.” She waved him off.</p>
<p>“All of our jobs,” he replied, circling a hand to include his team. </p>
<p>“And you weren’t supposed to hear the friend part either.” JT rolled his eyes. “but this clarifies things.  You found a second family.”</p>
<p>Malcolm bit his bottom lip.  His mother didn’t like that, even though she had been terribly grateful to Gil and Jackie. He hadn’t understood it as a kid but he did now. Her emotions regarding the Arroyos were as complicated and confused as his were about his father. Luckily she let the comment pass and maybe now with Jackie gone, his mother realized he had room in his heart for both women as his mothers. At least he hoped she did. “I suppose that’s dead on. When I’d come home from boarding school I’d always make sure I got to go with Gil and Jackie when I could.”</p>
<p>“Sometimes you’d go for a week at a time, if you didn’t want to come with me on a trip,” his mother said. “They were always very good to take you in, which I’m sure was more fun for you than a shopping trip in Paris with me and your sister.”</p>
<p>“No offense, Mrs. Whitly, but just about anything sounds better than that.” JT laughed.</p>
<p>“Men. I’m sure Dani and I would have enjoyed Paris,” Tally said.</p>
<p>“She wasn’t going to see anything fun like the louvre.” Malcolm pouted. “I wouldn’t have minded if we could have done some sight seeing too. But yes, I had plenty of fun with Gil and Jackie.”</p>
<p>“He was never much trouble back then,” Gil said.</p>
<p>“The inference is he’s trouble now?” His mother arched her eyebrows at Gil.</p>
<p>“I plead the fifth.”</p>
<p>“Don’t even try to deny it,” JT pointed a finger at Malcolm.</p>
<p>“I can try,” he argued, grinning. “No one would believe me.”</p>
<p>“Here, I like this one.” Gil pushed the album closer to Malcolm. He tapped a picture of Malcolm with his arms wrapped around Ainsley with their mother and Jackie standing behind them.</p>
<p>“I should put this out somewhere.” Malcolm didn’t have a lot of personal photos in his loft. It was filled with things he liked – and some he didn’t but hadn’t felt like fighting his mother over - but not so much photos. He never seemed to think of them. </p>
<p>“Did you ever go to Paris?” Dani asked.</p>
<p>“Yes. And Jackie and Gil came with us to London once. That was so much fun. Jackie went shopping with Mom. Gil and I went and did actually fun things.”</p>
<p> </p>
<p>“Jackie did come with us to the Tower of London,” Gil reminded him.  </p>
<p>“She loved it as much as I did.” Malcolm smiled at the memory. “I think those pictures are in there too.”</p>
<p>“I’d like to see them. I’d love to go to the Tower one day,” Dani said. “I’ve always wanted to travel but I’ve barely ever been outside the city.”</p>
<p>The subtle sadness in that confession sealed Malcolm’s lips. He had questions he wanted to ask but knew better. Gil told him Dani was a Bronx girl like Jackie. Malcolm was all to aware that life was often hard there in ways he had no connection to and little understanding of except as an academic notion.  He wished he didn’t always feel the need to fill every silence but it was hardwired into him now. “There are a lot of great things here. I like the zoo. I should go visit.”</p>
<p>“It’s cold,”  JT said.</p>
<p>“I don’t mind.”</p>
<p>“I grew up not that far from there. The zoo is nice,” Dani replied, thumbing over a couple pages in the album. “You were a cute kid.”</p>
<p>“Thanks.”</p>
<p>“But you looked sad even then.”</p>
<p>“I was.” Malcolm nodded. “Not too many pictures are left from before it all happened and they wouldn’t be in that album. I’m surprised Mother didn’t bring them too. It’s like she knew Gil was here with a case and wanted to distract me.” He looked out of the corner of his eye at his mother.</p>
<p>“I suspected Gil might show up when your nurse was off.” She smiled. “I did think he’d know better than to bring you a case. I didn’t expect a cold case. However, I know what this morbid stuff means to you, I’ll head home and leave you in Gil’s hands.” His mother dropped a heavy hand on Gil’s shoulder. “You keep him in line, Gil. No over exciting him.”</p>
<p>“He’ll be fine, Jess,” Gil assured her as Malcolm rolled his eyes.</p>
<p>“I’m not a child, Mother.”</p>
<p>“You’re <i>my</i> child. And you are easily overexcited.”</p>
<p>“She’s not wrong,” JT said.</p>
<p>“I prefer to think of it as enthusiasm.”</p>
<p>“Call it what you want, you’re excitable,” Dani said, stopping on pictures of him, Jackie and Gil at the Tower.  </p>
<p>“Listen to Dani, son.” His mother stroked his hair and let herself out of his loft. Malcolm sighed softly. </p>
<p>After she was gone, Malcolm turned his attention back to Dani and the photo album, letting Coltrane’s music wash over him. He leaned over and put a finger on the picture of him and Jackie in the prison cell area of the tower.  “I really like that picture.”</p>
<p>“You are so happy. You can see it in your eyes.”</p>
<p>“Yeah, Mother definitely saw it.” He sighed more loudly this time.</p>
<p>“She didn’t like it, did she?” JT asked.</p>
<p>“Jackie, Jessica and I had a complicated relationship. Jess was always grateful that we were there to help her and Malcolm but …she could be jealous.” Gil’s jaw tightened. </p>
<p>“That’s an understatement,” Malcolm muttered, bitter as over steeped tea.</p>
<p>“She still let you come with us and that was the important thing,” Gil headed him off because he could go too far down the rabbit hole.</p>
<p>Malcolm gathered himself up and picked up the file folder. “You can keep looking if you want,” he told his guests. “I want to dive into this now that Mother’s gone.”</p>
<p>When no one protested, Malcolm opened the folder and started to read.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. The root of it.</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Chapter Three</p><p>Gil was glad the case distracted Malcolm from the emotional precipice he’d been teetering on. Of course, his own heart took some serious hits seeing those old photos of when he and Jackie were happy with so much still ahead of them. Gil shoved his sadness down deep. Malcolm needed his strength now. He could cry later. He gave Malcolm some time to read over the case, knowing he was familiar with the public details. It would have been one Martin Whitly would have loved to talk about.</p><p>Gil went and put the kettle back on, knowing more company was coming and he wanted tea for himself. He knocked out the used leaves and put in a first flush Darjeeling he knew Malcolm liked. Its sweet musky notes almost tasted like Muscat wine and frankly he liked it too, even if tea reminded him of Dr. Whitly. “Are you hooked yet?”</p><p>“I’m hooked,” Malcolm murmured in that distracted way that said yes, he was in way deep, barely registering his companions. </p><p>“Good.” Gil took his seat, picking up some of the file Malcolm had already discarded as read. He had read it already and didn’t want to reread it really but he wanted to look at happy pictures even less.  </p><p>“Should he look that engrossed and happy?” Tally asked softly.</p><p>Malcolm glanced at her over the top of the file he’d taken out of the murder book. “Yes.”</p><p>“You heard him.” JT shrugged. “He’s actually quiet. Let him be.”</p><p>“Play nice,” she replied as someone buzzed the door.</p><p>Malcolm glanced over at Gil. “Edrisa?”</p><p>“Good guess.” Gil got up to buzz her in.</p><p>“You really invited everyone,” Malcolm said as the kettle blew. He started to get up.</p><p>“Butt on the couch, Bright,” Gil ordered. </p><p>“I’ll get the tea.” Dani popped up and hurried into the kitchen.</p><p>“The leaves are ready,” Gil replied as he opened the loft door and Malcolm said, “Open Sunshine’s cage please, Gil.”</p><p>A moment later Edrisa bounced in with another file folder in hand and Gil opened Sunshine’s cage. The parakeet darted out, soaring around the apartment. “This is actually not what I was expecting for a choice of domicile. Hello.” She waved the file at Malcolm. </p><p>“Come in, Edrisa. And in full disclosure, Mother owns the building and decorated most of it except that.” Malcolm pointed to his weapons’ collection. “I told her what I wanted there.”</p><p>“I brought you…whoa.” Edrisa pulled up short as Gil shut the door behind her. Her eyes widened as she took in the huge artwork in the loft. Gil read her mind or maybe it was him projecting his feelings. He hated that art. </p><p>“Problem?” Malcolm asked, faking innocence. He knew what the problem was. The Tarmels and Dani were too polite to say anything. Edrisa had no filter and Malcolm knew that was well as Gil.</p><p>“That is…just wow,” Edrisa pointed to the huge paintings. “I’m not sure all your nightmares are driven by your father. I’d be freaked out by that.”</p><p>“I wanted to say that but….” JT made a face. “Glad someone put it out there.”</p><p>Malcolm snorted. “They’re family heirlooms, pretty famous artist and they’re worth ridiculous amounts of money. Why Mother chose to hang them here I have no idea.”</p><p>JT raised his eyebrows.  “She secretly hates you?” </p><p>Tally jabbed his shoulder.</p><p>Malcolm spread his hands wide. “Maybe. My guess was either her decorator thought this would be a good place for them or Mother just wanted them out of the house.”</p><p>“Or she hates you,” JT insisted.</p><p>Malcolm laughed. “I’m pretty sure Mother loves me but she has a strange way of showing it.”</p><p>“Do you ever think maybe you don’t have to listen to her always?” Dani asked as she put the tea pot and the sugar on a tray to carry over to the coffee table.  “And tell her you don’t want ugly pseudo-religious nightmares hanging on your walls.”</p><p>Malcolm pulled a long face and Gil wished Dani hadn’t pushed that particular red button but it couldn’t be unpushed now. “I don’t but it’s kind of complicated. When my father destroyed our lives, Mother was left with nothing. Her friends deserted her. It led to a bit of an overbearing, overprotective thing.” He flipped open another file but didn’t really look at it. “So, I tend to pick my battles with her. To be fair, I came back from D.C. to find this loft already decorated and that includes my weapons collection. I figured once I settled in then I’d bring up the fact that those paintings would be better off sent on loan with a museum. Then Ainsley ratted me out before I could even decide on how best to break it to Mother that I was working for Gil.”</p><p>“She doesn’t seem to like your job,” Dani said.</p><p>“Not at all, never has. She thinks it ties me too closely to my father’s bad deeds and I suppose in a way she’s right but she doesn’t understand that I’m good at what I do and that I <i>enjoy</i> it. I feel like I make a difference.”</p><p>“You definitely do,” Edrisa chimed in. “Sometimes parents have very high expectations of us and it’s hard to define boundaries.” When she realized everyone was staring at her, Edrisa ducked her head and thrust the file she carried toward Malcolm. “Anyhow maybe now would be a good time to have that museum donation talk and I have a gift for you. A copy of the autopsy files with the pictures.”</p><p>“Thanks, that will be exactly what I need for this. You might not want to peek at this, Tally,” he said, grabbing the file nearly gleefully. “Would you like some tea too? We just brewed it.”</p><p>“What kind?” Edrisa perched on one of the kitchen island stools.</p><p>“First flush Darjeeling,” Gil answered. </p><p>“Ooo, yes, please.”</p><p>Gil fetched her a cup and when he sat back down he saw Malcolm had the report of the victim of a young Hispanic male, his tongue removed and tape over his mouth. In the gaping slash across his neck had been the Bible verse <i>“The Lord will fight for you, and you have only to be silent.”</i>. Gil had his own theories how the killer had taken that and warped it into this sort of violence.</p><p>Malcolm sipped his tea and paged through two more killings in complete silence while his companions talked around him. Gil suspected JT and Tally were getting ready to leave. They had done enough, bringing him lunch and spending the afternoon. Finally, Malcolm looked up, “I think he had a very religious upbringing, not unlike Watkins.”</p><p>“No chance it actually was him, is there?” JT asked.</p><p>Malcolm shook his head. “Until Shannon he never killed directly. This guy likes the up close and personal. He is not likely to be as capable of hiding as Watkins either. This is someone who is an outsider, who isn’t in touch with reality. He’s unlikely to be holding down a job and his interpersonal relationships will be a shambles….” He trailed off with a frown.</p><p>“Kid?” Gil prompted, not liking that expression.</p><p>“Other than the out of touch with reality, I could be describing me.”</p><p>“Bull,” Gil replied sharply.</p><p>“I’m not allowed back in the precinct,” he reminded Gil, giving him the puppy dog eyes. “Because we’re not sure <i>I’m</i> that in touch with reality.”</p><p>Gil bit his lip, trying to keep his irritation in check. “Not the same thing, nor the actual reason, and you know it. You’re just being irritable about it. You know you need to heal. You tried to speed things up and it did not go well.” He didn’t like pushing the guilt buttons but he needed Malcolm to be realistic. </p><p>“And you’re doing well with the interpersonal relationships here,” Dani added more mildly.</p><p>“Once we realized you were weird and made adjustments.” JT grinned. </p><p>Malcolm shot him some masterful stink eye. “Anyhow, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was homeschooled. His caregivers would have been too controlling. That’s the downside of the homeschooling movement. The abusers have less people who might catch them. The religion has become distorted and so ingrained in him, it dominates all part of his life. I would expect him to collect religious items, maybe like Watkins’s angels.” Malcolm paused there, his hand starting to shake.</p><p>“It’s ugly thinking about him giving those to your sister,” Dani said and he nodded.</p><p>He grabbed his tea and tried to hide his emotions as he drank. When he set it aside, Malcolm said, “I need more time with the files. Edrisa, tell me more about this finding.” He pointed to something in the file.</p><p>As Edrisa expounded on the details, Tally fetched her cooler out of the kitchen. She put it by the door but sat back down. Just as she did so, Sunshine swooped down and perched on JT’s head. His eyes grew so large Gil expected them to roll right out of his head.</p><p>“Bright! Your bird is <i>on</i> me!”</p><p>Malcolm grinned. “She likes you. You should be honored.”</p><p>“There’s a <i>bird</i> on my <i>head</i>,” JT ground out.</p><p>“She chose her perch. What do you want me to do?” Malcolm’s grin grew to maniacal proportions. </p><p>“Bright, I swear if she poops on my head….hey! No, Tally!” JT cried as his wife snapped a few pictures on her phone. </p><p>“What, sweetie?” Tally smiled.</p><p>“You are going to delete those, right?” </p><p>“Don’t worry if you have to, Tally. I have some right here.” Dani waggled her phone.</p><p>“I hate all of you…ow!” JT flinched as Sunshine pulled his hair. “Bright! She’s messing with my hair!”</p><p>Chuckling, Malcolm stood and tapped his finger against Sunshine’s belly. She jumped onto his finger and when he settled back down she popped over to his cast, pecking at it. “Happy?”</p><p>“She’s lucky she’s not going to be roasted squab.” JT ran his fingers through his hair.</p><p>“I don’t think there’s a lot of meat on her,” Gil said wryly.</p><p>“Figures he doesn’t even have normal pets,” JT grumbled.</p><p>“I’ll remind you this is a lot more normal than his snakes,” Gil countered and JT huffed.</p><p>After settling back down, they talked over the case for another half hour before finally Tally put a hand on JT’s arm and said, “I am leaving you all the leftovers, Malcolm.”</p><p>He snapped his gaze up from the murder book. “Oh, Tally you don’t have to.”</p><p>“You can’t cook for yourself with that hand. That’s half the reason we brought you food. It’s yours, except the chicken. I put that back in the cooler.”</p><p>“That’s fine. I would never be able to eat that and I appreciate it. Thank you for coming, both of you. I appreciate it.” Malcolm stood up as Tally crossed the living room, arms opened for a hug.  She embraced him gingerly. </p><p>As Malcolm said his goodbyes, Gil took Dani aside and whispered for her to make her excuses and to take Edrisa with her. Malcolm had been distracted enough. Now Gil needed to get down to the roots of what was really eating him, to see just how much of what he said to Coppenrath was real and what was made up to convince the doctor Malcolm wasn’t all right. He let it slide that night he checked on Malcolm, to give him a little more time to recover but Gil needed to know how much damage there was.  Whatever Dani said to Edrisa worked because she left without a fuss. </p><p>Gil left him still looking over the murder book, or at least pretending to because Malcolm probably suspected a talk was coming. He made a quick bathroom run, stuffed a handful of tissues in a pocket because he knew he’d need them and then went to pour two whiskeys. He wondered if Malcolm should have any given his meds and his mental state but he had had some before. It should be okay. He sat next to Malcolm and handed off the booze. “See anything that was missed?” He nodded to the files.</p><p>“I need to look at it more but it’s interesting.” A soft smile snuck across Malcolm’s face.  “Thanks for bringing it and everyone else. I’m assuming lunch was your idea.”</p><p>“Actually, that really was all Tally. I just said we were going to go over that cold case for a little while.” Gil shrugged. “They were onboard.”</p><p>Malcolm slowly bobbed his head, sucking in his bottom lip. “I should do something nice for Tally.”</p><p>“She likes to read if that helps but she brought you lunch with no expectations of being repaid.”</p><p>Malcolm sighed. “Are you going to ask me what you really came here to ask?”</p><p>“Do I need more than you telling me you weren’t okay, kid.” Gil studied his face, wondering how to handle this. He’d mulled over so many ways in the past few days he expected he’d know what to do but faced with it, Gil worried he was about to rip the scab off something bad.</p><p>Malcolm swallowed hard, his Adam’s apple bobbing. “I’m not.”</p><p>“We didn’t really talk about it the other day. I think it’s time.”</p><p>Malcolm sipped his whiskey, his gaze slithering away. “What is there to say?”</p><p>“How about telling me just what, among the things you said to Coppenrath were real? You were honest with me when you said you weren’t okay and that you might have shocked yourself had you not found that medicine bottle.”</p><p>“I was honest,” Malcolm said, making no attempt to answer Gil’s question but Gil could see the moisture building in those expressive eyes the kid had. “I might have.”</p><p>It tugged at his heart and his mouth went dry. “You know you could have died.”</p><p>Malcolm looked away. “If you’re asking was I suicidal…I’m not even sure.” He scrubbed his non-casted hand over a cheek dashing away a tear.  Gil wanted to cry himself. Malcolm not lying about his mental health wasn’t a red flag; it was a Fourth of July fireworks finale. “Not really, I don’t think. I just wanted…I wanted the memories out of my head. ECT can do that, fry the neurons so badly the memories are just gone. I wanted that so bad.”</p><p>Gil pressed his own hands into the cushions to hide that they shook as much as Malcolm’s. “What have you remembered?” He parsed through his memories trying to find the worst from the Coppenrath session. “Your father trying to kill you? Are you sure that wasn’t just something Watkins said to get inside your head?”</p><p>Malcolm opened his mouth but no answer came forth. He clamped it shut, lips trembling. He crumbled right in front of Gil, dissolving into heart-rending sobs. Gil gathered him closer and Malcolm wrapped around him like the pythons he’d loved as a boy. He hadn’t cried against Gil’s chest like this since he’d been a boy. Gil embraced him as tightly as he could, dropping his forehead against Malcolm’s crown. His own tears rained down into Malcolm’s thick hair. He couldn’t stop them. He could barely breathe. Nothing he could do would be able to erase the recovered memory of Martin Whitly trying to murder his son. No words would fix that level of devastation. If there was one thing Gil knew, Malcolm always believed if nothing else, his father loved him. There was no way he could handle learning that might not be true.</p><p>All Gil could do was hold tight and rub Malcolm’s back as he cried himself out. Malcolm contained an ocean within him, and it took time to run dry. When Malcolm finally pushed away, snuffling, Gil fished out the tissues and handed most of them to Malcolm. He kept a few of them back for himself. He allowed Malcolm all the time he needed to collect himself. He didn’t trust his own voice anyhow. He sipped some of his whiskey, wishing he had brought the bottle with him. He didn’t want to get up just now because his legs shook.</p><p>Malcolm drained his own whiskey.  “He took me up there to kill me, Gil.”</p><p>“Malcolm…” Gil trailed off, trying to figure out what in the name of God he could say to that. “I wish you didn’t have to know that.”</p><p>“He changed his mind for some reason. I don’t understand that,” he replied, not really seeming to register Gil’s comment. </p><p>“You’re his son. He’s a monster but that obviously meant something to him. <i>You</i> mean something to him.” Gil hated saying that, hated giving Malcolm more to be conflicted over, but he knew it was true.</p><p>Malcolm made a face, shaking his head. “I don’t. I wish I did but I don’t.”</p><p>“I don’t know if I should tell you this or not. I don’t know if it’ll make things better or worse.” Gil  changed his mind and forced himself up. He walked on treacherous legs to the kitchen and grabbed up the whiskey bottle. He flopped back on the couch and filled their glasses. </p><p>“Tell me whatever it is, Gil. That’s the only way to know.” Malcolm sounded so broken and lost it took Gil several sips of whiskey to fortify himself for this.</p><p>“I’m the one who went to Claremont to see if we could find Watkins’s hiding places.”</p><p>Malcolm widened his eyes. “You thought my father would help <i>you</i> of all people?”</p><p>Gil snorted, slugged back some whiskey and poured more. “No, but we were clutching at straws. He had no intentions of helping me, not when he could toy with me. I ended his games when I told him Watkins had you. He was convinced Watkins would have killed you instantly.”</p><p>“Naturally. If Watkins is to be believed. He and Father fought that night, over me. I guess he’d already changed his mind about killing me. It’s why Watkins tried to do the honors and I stabbed him.”</p><p>“And you can let that go too. If there was ever a case for self-defense…” Gil shook his head. “Anyhow, kid, your dad had a full-blown panic attack, damn near thought I was going to lose my chance to get anything out of him when they started snowing him under with injectable benzos. Whatever else he is, you do matter to him. I don’t like saying that. I don’t want to give you reasons to hang on to him, but I think maybe you need to hear it.”</p><p>Malcolm clenched his jaw, looking away. “Then why…”</p><p>“He knew it was you or him. He knew that he couldn’t guarantee your silence forever. It might be his one selfless moment. He chose you.” Putting it out there made it so real and Gil hated every part of it.</p><p>Malcolm leaned against Gil’s shoulder again. “It doesn’t make it hurt less.”</p><p>“I know.” He patted Malcolm’s hand. “ I don’t think anything is going to.”</p><p>“How do I face him again?”</p><p>“You know my answer to that one.”</p><p>Malcolm sighed. “Never to go back.”</p><p>“Got it in one. I know you aren’t going to listen to me. I know why. But he’s a toxin, Malcolm. He’s is just going to put you in this pain time and again.”</p><p>“I know but what can I do?”</p><p>Gil didn’t answer that because he knew Malcolm didn’t really want one. He had cut his father out of his life once. It had to be his own choice.  He set his glass down and clapped a hand on Malcolm’s arm. “Let’s get out of here.”</p><p>Malcolm looked at him like he’d lost his mind. “And go where?”</p><p>Gil frowned, shrugging. “Doesn’t matter. We’ll drive around, let your head clear. We can stop and do something if we see something that catches our eye.”</p><p>“The precinct?” Malcolm asked hopefully.</p><p>“Don’t push your luck, kid. Maybe as we drive you can plot out that vacation you desperately need to take, and then when we get back here, we can dive back into that cold case.”</p><p>Malcolm wrinkled his nose. “I think Mother is already plotting out that vacation whether I want to go or not.”</p><p>“You <i>need</i> some down time, kid and sitting around here isn’t cutting it. Once you get that cast off, and your gut heals up better, you need to get out of town.” Gil stood and extended a hand to Malcolm.</p><p>“Did Mother tell you to say that?” Malcolm took the hand up and held his side, which obviously wasn’t feeling that well yet.</p><p>“No, but if she’s been saying that, then maybe it’s time for you to listen,” Gil said. </p><p>“I’m sure I’ll have little choice. Think we could go see the Frick collection?” </p><p>“Sure.” Gil wasn’t an enormous fan of art museums but if that’s what Malcolm wanted to do to help calm down then he’d drive him to every one in town. </p><p>Malcolm disappeared into the bathroom to freshen up. Gil collected himself, needing to be strong now.  He helped Malcolm into his coat and locked the door behind them. It might had been a rough day but Gil hoped it had made something perfectly clear. Malcolm wasn’t alone anymore. He had friends he could reach out to, which was more than he’d ever had in D.C.. If that’s all that came out of this, Gil would count it a major win. Malcolm certainly could use a few more of those. From the expression on Malcolm’s face, he seemed lighter. Gil marked the day in the win column and led the way to the Le Mans hoping to keep the win rolling.</p>
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